"Okay. You buckle on the Girdle of Masculitity, securing it beneath the taut skin of your distended belly. There's a feeling of vertigo as your flesh slides over itself, reconfiguring your features to those of a man. In a moment it's over. You feel the way your weight is distributed more around your shoulders and less around your hips, and your blouse now hangs flat across your absent breasts.

But your nutsack hurts like hell and you have an Austrian accent."