Top fives, part I

[sen_no_ongaku]

2h2o:

Top five haiku about haak0n:

1.
Canto, you sally.
You son of a bitch, Canty,
You goddamned sally.

2.
Lonely senator
Brooding on Capitol steps.
Scott to the rescue!

3.
Scampering away
will not save your sorry ass.
We know where you live.

4.
Once Scott resembled
conversations between gods.
Now he's Phil Gramm's bitch.

5.
A whole year has passed.
Scott is still a damn sally.
Will it never end?


archiaca:

Top 5 fictional apes:

I'm going to refuse to acknowledge any distinction between monkeys and apes.

1. Mojo Jojo. (Powerpuff Girls)
2. The Librarian. (Terry Pratchett)
3. Donkey Kong. (The power of Kong compels you!)
4. Yank the (superintelligent) Monkey. (The Tick)
5. The cigarette-smoking monkey from Project X.


osirusbrisbane:

Top 5 insults:

I'm not so good with remembering specific insults, so these are the first five that come to mind:

1. "You're more dog than man." - jearl, upon losing a hand of poker.

2. During a game of Ingenious:
osirusbrisbane: How unfortunate for Team Me.
sen_no_ongaku: The most unfortunate thing for Team You is that you're on it.

3. "The whole quantum setup ends up being embarrassing in the special way something pretentious is embarrassing when it's also wrong." - David Foster Wallace, Certainly the End of Something or Other

4. "Your lips are moving again" or "Words -- they're coming right out of your mouth." - Kian Bergstrom, any occasion

5. (See haiku #1.)


stealthmuffin:

Movies to stay away from:

I'm going to try to stay away from MSTed films. Some of these I've watched in your presence.

1. The Star Wars Holiday Special. Indescribable. WOOKIEE PORN!. It does, however, introduce Boba Fett in an animated sequence that seems to take place on a planet made of tapioca.

2. The Magic Christian, with Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr; a series of parables about greed. Occasionally entertaining wackiness and a scene full of nude oarswomen are made nigh unwatchable by intense, intense hatefulness.

3. Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things. A group of student thespians try to raise the dead. Incredibly boring, and the zombies don't even show up until the last 10 minutes. Includes implied homosexual necrophilia. Someone is remaking it.

4. The Bride, with Sting and Jennifer Beals, riffing on The Bride of Frankenstein. I saw this in the theater for some reason. Sting is not the most...emotive...of actors, and the movie as a whole is really quite dull. I also recall a subplot involving a circus and a couple of freaks. Or maybe a midget and his giant. Then again, I was eight. Hmm. I think there is, however, a scene with Jennifer Beals naked. Can't complain about that.

5. Barbarian Queen. Part of the fantasy explosion in early-to-mid '80s moviemaking, with a bunch of hot chicks taking on some sort of big bad guy and his cronies. It's got a very high prurience factor, certainly. But the whole ostensible female-empowerment message (assuming the movie is trying to operate under those auspices) is completely undercut by scenes of helpless women being sexually assaulted, and it just gets extremely, uncomfortably icky. I watched this as part of an anti-Beefcake night, and paid a heavy price. Learn from my mistakes.

5a. stealthmuffin doesn't need this warning, but nobody should see Flesh Gordon. Viewed as part of an ill-concieved Flash/Flesh Gordon evening, it's Just Not Fun. One (relatively small) thing in the movie made me laugh out loud. Elsewise, it's just tiresome, and only one movie has the right to combine live action with claymation.

Here is a fine resource for those of you who can't get enough.